True Live Story: Two Sides Of A Struggling Marriage
By Edoamaowo Udeme, ABUJA
He lives abroad but controls her with video calls, if she doesn't pick calls on time; he may ignore her call for weeks, sometimes months.
He has 6 children from 5 women. This is the story by Mrs. Adewunmi Sola Badejo. Here it goes:
THE STORY
“My Name is Adewunmi Sola Badejo; I am 33 year old, My Husband is Adekanhemi Badejo; he is 50 years old.
“Before I got married to him, I was working during my NYSC.
“Aside my Place of Primary Assignment, I was the personal makeup artist for the former Kogi State governor's wife (Hajia Wada) and also a standby Makeup artist at studio 24, Lokoja. I was doing fine. “After marriage to him, I relocated to Lagos State and he stopped me from my makeup work saying it's for prostitutes. He also stopped me from looking for work with my academic qualifications. I have gone through a lot of physical and emotional trauma in this marriage. Not only division between me and my family, he has separated me from bosom, long time friendships.
“He hates my Mother and always accuses her unjustly. He opened a makeup shop for me in 2016 after a lot of begging but as another unfortunate misunderstanding happened, he went there with a truck and packed everything in the shop!
“He distributed everything to his family. He is always accusing me of sleeping around despite swearing an oat of loyalty to him.
“I sleep and wake up with video calls. I must make video calls when cooking, when driving, in the bathroom. Fights that last for days usually occur whenever he calls and I don't pick up on time.
“In March 2020, during the Covid lock down, we were having our usual long hours call and the online conversation was interrupted by a call from my mother. He got angry because I didn't cut her off and despite sending proof to him that the call was from my mom, he didn't talk to me for months.
“During this time, my daughter got sick and I called him tirelessly to send some money for medication. I sent emails and texts but no response, In May 2020, I had to call his siblings to help me beg him. “Meanwhile it's not the first time. Whenever there's a misunderstanding he goes mute for weeks till I start begging. Around May, he sent money and I didn't hear from him again. I was always at his mercy with my kids. I tried doing odd jobs like going to wash clothes for people. It wasn't convenient because of the kids; I begged a lady who has a salon adjacent to my block and she gave me a space to be a nail technician. But my husband said I was embarrassing him.
“I decided to sell my car and start a bakery with the money and he got angry and vowed to discipline me. I pleaded with him and also sent people to beg him so he calmed down.
But said I must feed myself and my children from the business which he agreed. He has been acting cool although occasionally going off for weeks incommunicado.
“He insisted on coming first to Nigeria and then travel to the UK together, only for him to arrive on Friday 14th of May, had sex with me and the next day, he told me he was going to buy our travel Tickets, but came back home with armed policemen to arrest me with handcuffs.
“That was my second arrest.
“The first was in 2017 when I ran away from the house with my daughter after heavy beating. After 4 days. He went with police from Lagos to my mother's home in Ijebu-Ode to arrest her to produce me, claiming I stole his Euros.
“I am the 5th woman he is marrying.
“I have his 5th & 6th children.
“Ma, I want my children to be given back to me as I cannot sleep...
“I haven't shut my eyes, I am thinking about my babies.”
During Network Against Domestic Violence Foundation, he was called. He threatened that he is a lawyer, and when asked which set he graduated from in law school, the story changed.
MR. ADEKANMI BADEJO’S SIDE OF THE STORY
At first he said if he doesn't see me one on one, he will not attend to me. He insists I come to Area F Command in Ikeja Lagos. When I told him I based in Abuja, he insisted I sent a representative. This went on for a while and I told him I am willing to go over to Lagos if he sends me Air Ticket. Then he was ready to talk to me.
Next, he told me that he is a lawyer and that became another issue. When we got to a point, I asked him to tell me the set he was called to the bar so I can look for his colleagues and plead with them to talk to him to grant me audience. The story changed. No more Lawyer talk.
After an almost shouting match, he said he is not ready to talk to me, and hung up. (I strongly recommend anger management training for him)
But he called me back a few times, I ignored him for a while and then, I felt he was ready to talk so I picked up the next call.
"We already had a case at Ajunwon Police station so this is not the first time. By 2017, I used to pay N250,000 into her account; I opened a shop for her at Allen Avenue, I bought her a car, she had a maid, if the car has a fault, it is my mechanic that would take the car to fix. I paid the man and did other maintenances in the house just to make her more comfortable.
"The more I made her comfortable, the more my wife became more arrogant towards me. I would spend 4 months in abroad and 2 months in Nigeria, I will show you my passport. I did this just to have that bond between me, my wife and children. If she says I am lying, let her print her account statement in the last five years.
"I couldn't take her to Dublin then because of her character. When you find yourself in a bad marriage, you ask yourself what do you do? You will think she will change.
"Each time I come home, my woman and my wife would give me headache. She was sleeping with all the boys in the compound. Imagine a boy in my compound telling me "Oga, na your wife come dey meet us." Imagine that? If you come, I will take you to them, you will interview them yourself.
"I became so ashamed of myself; the shop I got for her at Allen Avenue, I used to pay N700,000 a year, you know what it means to rent a shop on Allen Avenue? Upon that, I was still sending her N250,000 a month, but over a year, she never remitted N1 from that shop.
"When I call her on Video calls, I would see men sitting down there. I would ask her what men are doing in a beauty spa. She would tell me, “come and drive them now!” If you want to know the truth about that shop, I will invite you to come and interview the Landlord of the shop.
“She used to leave the shop in the hands of her stylists and disappears only to come back in the evening. "When the year ended, the landlord was disturbing me for renewal and I asked her how much she had, she says it is N50,000.
“I told her that is bad business and the business has to be shut down.
“Don't forget I was sending N250,000 every month. Sometimes, N500,000.
“Her friend whose husband lives abroad and hardly sends her money told her she is even lucky. That friend called me that she and her mother were planning to sell the shop and run away. She screenshot their conversations and sent to me; She even sent me their audio conversations.
"Do you know that person that used to advertise travelling abroad in Ibadan? All the money I used to send to them, my wife and her mother took it to Ibadan to look for American Visa. The people collected the money and nothing happened. I still have their contacts, I have all the facts; I will give you when you come.
"Her mother would go on Facebook to look for men for her daughter; she would look for men who look okay and arrange for her daughter. How can a mother do that to a daughter who is in her husband's house?
"I will send all these to you. I am waiting for a court they will take me to and see if I will not jail them.”
Me: have you now seen why I begged you to calm down and talk to me? But you were too angry with me
"I thought you were one of those advocating for women's rights only. Nobody is talking about the psychological effect this has on the man. Nobody is advocating for men's rights. Women have submitted men to so much torture that is why you see some of them being beaten. Some might even kill them.
“I have evidence of where my mother in-law was connecting her to different men. The car she was using then, her mother brought someone from Ijebu-Ode to come and buy my car.
"The mother was even asking her, “did the man toast you? Is he willing to date you?” My wife said no, she said tell the man you need money now.
Me: Can we please talk about the current situation? Let me quote your wife: "On Friday 14th of May, had sex with me and the next day, he told me he was going to buy our travel Tickets, but came back home with armed policemen to arrest me with handcuffs." Why did you do that?
….To be continued in the next edition
©THE RIGHTS GUARDIAN
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